Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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