it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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