I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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