Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
