she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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