They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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