i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
