You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
this boner is exhausting
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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