is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize