I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
