last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
