why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize