the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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