they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Randomize