I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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