I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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