New invention idea: vibrating tampons
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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