I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
