The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
