This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
