If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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