I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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