im having a threesome with these popsicles
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
