It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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