Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Mom said you looked used
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
