you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
