Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
