"it" just moved
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
