Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
porn star boner night. come get it.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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