life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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