Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize