Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
