Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
