Just fell off a train. Bad.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
How's work?
Spinning.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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