I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
