your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
