Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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