On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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