the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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