Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
