She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
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We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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