420 ftw
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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