That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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