Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
