You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize