he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
