Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
