Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize