i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
