youre lurking in front of me
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
