Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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