Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize