i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
