Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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