And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
