I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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