Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
