We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
She has the best kind of daddy issues
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
