I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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