A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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