Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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