You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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