Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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