I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
The feeling are messing with the penis
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
