I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I need to stop coming to work sober
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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