ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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