i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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