People with herpes should wear stickers.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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